When was the last time you cried?
Assalamualaikum wbt. It's me, hi. I'm the problem it's me. Eh?
I am that kind of person who can be really emotional and can be gone crazy over dramas I made in my head. But as I concern about myself biologically, it can be because of hormones and I just can't help, I am a human and the best part is I'm a woman- yeap, that's what I meant: PMS.
I'm working on a relationship now, I can be super annoying and easily get annoyed at times. Kasihan, tapi tu lah mahu buat macam mana. Saya pun struggle dengan self-control untuk manage semua ini haha apa nih diri sendiri pun tidak faham diri sendiri. So, I cannot expect people to understand me. Tapi semua ini ikut angin, kalau ok, okay betul. Kalau hurricanes, hah ribut taufan lautan bergelora semua aku alami dalam hati, sampai rasa macam, am I depressed?. But, it's such a relief when you can understand that it is just YOU who are having PMS. Syukur, it won't take long time. Tapi tu lah, kena hadap every month pula kan haih. Since I know what's going on, I am battling between my sense and my emotions. I'm so sorry to people who effected with my unstable emotions and behaviour. Macam apa jak haha!
Sometimes, I can be so sad and it was never failed to make me cry. Over thinking made it worse. Pedihnya macam thousands of paper-thin cuts lepastu perah limau. Sakit woo. Pandai rasa macam mahu give up jika diikutkan emosi, tapi sebab I am fighting with my sense and my wise side of mind, so I can fix this and made up my mind to stay still on my stand, strongly.
So, hurricanes tadi pun berlalu dan disebalik semua ini, kubisik pada hati; sangat tidak berbaloi airmata ini dirembes keluar untuk perkara-perkara seperti over-thinking over my fears of losing someone I love with my whole heart.
Cry over a mankind?. So not worth it.
There when I stumbled on my feet, and realised--
When was the last time I cried this ugly over my sins?.
That is something I really need to worry about, that is something I need to cry for. That is something I need to clean before I close my eyes everyday and every night.
I stood up and lift my chin up, I can't be so sad, for Allah is always besides me <3
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