Healing from a heartbreak thoughts.

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Bismillahirrahmannirrohiim. Assalamualaikum wbt. Hi, there.

Moving on was always easy for me. But this one, it hits different. I gave myself a week to grieve over my past relationship that has been crumpled and gone. It's time to help myself and my heart to heal and feel better. So that I am here, because as far as I know, words can also comfort me best. Well the least I can do to help finding myself again :)

After the love story that I designed met it's ending, I came up with another journey.
I am healing. Trust me.

In my case. I have two thoughts (lessons) from this heartbreak.

1.  I should put this in my concern that Allah SWT is protecting me and him from loving each other in a wrong way. And, of course Allah SWT must be keeping something best for us two even though we are not meant to be together. For each of our selves, a better future is awaiting. In shaa Allah. Amiin.

2. This is a win for me (even if I was being cheated- I am a girl dealing with a man. This kind of negative probability and thought has its potential to be true okay), because I loved him so much and didn't want to give up on our relationship while, he's maybe looking for someone younger and someone who can build life together with him from level 1. I am a teacher for 3 years now, as he said he doesn't fit my level (tidak setaraf- which is nonsense) and obviously he's not putting me in one of his life goals and destinations (this one hurts me so bad). It took me awhile to find this logical reason and when I did, it is his right to make his own life decisions after all. I am here to respect his choice even though I was hurting like hell. In this one thought, I should believe I am not the one who's losing something. He indeed does. I'm sorry for him, he lost me who's already prepared a penthouse in my heart just for him. 

I am not a materialistic person. I believe everyone who is in a sincere relationship will put materials down for someone she's in love with. A woman can always start to build life together with a man from zero until they get there (bi iznillah).

So, based on two thoughts I have in mind. Both are wins for me and for him. And I strongly believe, Allah puts me in this path for a way better love story in future (even though I don't feel like I want to get involved anymore).

I don't hate him and never look him as an enemy. 

I choose to be calm and peace. My heart needs that the most.

I'm trying to practice "It is what it is - ada, adalah. Tiada, tidak mengapa" as I did before he approached me.

I'm trying to find myself back. I'm trying to be friends with troubles and problems I have so I can avoid depression. 

I am so done with the gloomy and cloudy days. I just can't wait to see the sun rises again and cheer me up with the joy it'll shine me on again. 

At this phase of moving on, I am going to stay with the fact that love is so short, forgetting is so long. 

It's not I was sad for not accepting what is served on my plate, nor I was crying over he left and pushed me away just like that. 

It's actually hurting by living in the memories that he made me feel so safe before and then I fell from the highest stake of hope he made me do that I am broke into pieces after.

It's hard now, but in shaa Allah we will come back stronger and we will be fine again without faking it.

Fighting Zafirah!


 

Thank you for reading this entry :)

26 June 2023 (Monday).

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