Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Cloudy 2017.

Bismillah and Assalamualaikum wbt.

2017 was awesome. I did amazing things in 2017. 2017 was me in semester 4 and semester 5 which when I recall everything, there were millions of laugh and smiles to be counted.
Impossible to list the amazing things I did in my 2017 yet I don’t think I can remember them all since the smallest things that happened around me was some kind amazing to me.

2017 was my third year without Bapa. November for every year is not my favourite month. I always like want to turn back time and everthing ever happened was screening freshly on my head. Looking of what I’ve gone through is making me feels like how strong I really can be in future. I accepted everything. Redha. I love it when memories popping up, I love it when I dream about bapa in my sleep. The event felt so real. I love the feeling when I miss bapa. May we meet in Jannah pak, amiin.

 2017, I tried to feel like I’m in love with a person. Yes, tried. Hahaha my friends would laugh hard if they read this. Ela was fell in love. WAS. I knew the feeling but then I realised that was not a cool feeling. It’s not love actually. Perhaps, that was only what “I think that is love” but it isn’t I guess. To be attached with someone, to wait the texts, acting to care, expecting something but what the other party did was not hitting the expectations, that were very frustrating and tiring. I hate such feeling, kind of wasting time. I was asking, was that love ?, if that is love then that is really not for me. Focussing on ourselves and loving our family and best friends are the real happiness. I said to myself, that is enough. Just be friend and be kind to others. No more trying to be in relationship. That’s it. Enough.

2017, I got the feeling of being kicked out from a group of friends which I thought all this while we were good and close friends enough. But I was wrong. I cried a lot about this. To have friend issue is something I really scared to be facing. But, yeah 2017 made me through it. To be honest, heartache, jealousy and feel like betrayed were the major feelings I always had everytime I saw their posts about themselves together as if I never be a part of them. I was expecting that we were close until forever but I was wrong. I really value our friendship, but I was kicked out from the ship itself. Sad. Then I realised, some friendships are not meant to be forever. Either you yourself would ruin their happiness or they themselves could ruin your happiness that you deserve. But now, we are still friends, just friends and I feel like no special or anything left, just friends. I am okay and I still have friends who I believe would stick with me and really value our friendship as I do.  Thank you dear friends for the lesson!.

I have alot more things to write. Eventhough I wrote about the sorrow side of my 2017, but as I said earlier, more amazing things had ever happened to cover up all that. Don't worry I am okay and In shaa Allah always be.

'Till next post!

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