It's been a year and plus plus already since the day I was dumped. I still hate it to be honest, and that's so annoying.
I've moved on greatly, alhamdulillah. And that's true, by hating it makes it doesn't hurt.
Awal-awal tu kononnya mahu sembuh dengan kedamaian, will not hate the person, will just forgive and forget slowly then easily, crying to calm sadness and the feeling of being betrayed, blaming myself, texted the person again, begged to work things out again. Stalked the person on social media, still saved the person's number and all, masih berharap yada yada because I just couldn't hate that person because deep in side, I still want the person to be my man AT THAT TIME.
But, nope all of that didn't work. So, one day I prayed hard to Allah SWT. Ya rabb, show me something obvious so that can be one solid reason to "hate" that person since I thought that was the only way to shut this person out of my mind and heart. And the next day, yeah sue me I stalked again, and saw a comment from a girl in one of the person's posts with lovey dovey emojis and that person replied just exactly as the same vibe. I feel like vomit to picture the comments again gosh!. And yes that's the moment I knew, I need to stop hoping for the person who took me months to realise he was actually none other than a trash bag who's a traitor!. Finally I can hate this guy so much! so I deleted the person from my life, like totally removed and washed the person away from my memory.
I cut off and blocked everything related to the person. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G
It took me months to be really really brave to shut the person out of my mind. MONTHS.
And I never feel this light since the day the person gone from my life. I feel so much lighter like a feather with you of my mind aaaaA~ (yup I'm singing haha)
I'm not crying anymore, I'm so happy right now, I still sad for what the person ever done to me actually but, I already dealt with it and I swear, I hope I'll never see that person ever again in my life. Please. Just, be gone forever from my life, don't show up infront of me.
So I think this will be the last about my tragic love story in this blog. I just feel like I need to write about this, for future lessons. I'm so done with love for now. I don't want to get invloved anymore. I'm in the end of my twenties, and I decided to be rich aunt and be there to my loved ones anytime until I die :)
Here's my summary of phases in moving on journey, I hope people who can relate with this will learn their lessons as much as I did :)
1. Screaming, Crying Phase
Banyak menangis, sampai macam siapa sahaja yang aku jumpa masa tu aku akan bagi tahu yang aku sedang "hearbroken", aku nangis depan family dan kawan-kawan aku di mana-mana sahaja bila aku terdetik untuk rasa sedih. Bayangkan, depan family in public pun aku "crying ugly" apa lagi kalau seorang-seorang. The peak of rasa kecewa tu sebenarnya bukan sebab ditinggalkan pun tapi sebab kasihan dengan diri sendiri dipelakukan sebegitu lepastu rasa sangat tidak adil untuk aku yang merana while the other party maybe is living his best life (which when I found he's with other new girl, ha lagilah aku rasa dikhianati. Rude!).
Lain lagi struggle untuk masuk kelas mengajar seperti biasa, lepas tu habis masa mengajar aku masuk kereta untuk menangis lagi. Dalam surau, toilet ha menangis sajalah kerja aku. Aku pernah balik awal sebab aku tidak dapat sembunyi sudah kedukaan aku melainkan menangis berhabisan. It was so dark back then and I don't want to repeat it ever, ever, ever and ever again!.
2. Long texted Phase
So, bila sudah tidak terbendung rasa kecewa itu melainkan dengan air mata setiap hari dan setiap malam, maka I comforted myself with sending messages to that person dengan sangkaan dengan berbuat demikian aku akan okay. Tapi rupanya, it was hurting even more.
I asked for my friends to give me comfort words for me, and they did effectively subhanAllah. I love my family and friends. Because, you know what I feel so blessed, when non of my family members and friends blame me for not being wise in loving someoen. Not a single person judged me for being fool out of my situations. They supported me with warmest hugs and kind words!. And that really-really helps!.
3. I thougt I was okay Phase
Sometimes I'm okay but sometimes I don't. Basically, was faking myself. In denial, still.
I remember I was saying sorry to myself everytime I cry because if this. "I'm sorry myself, I cried again last night". "I'm sorry myself, I cried again today". I keep in track on how many "sorry" I did in a day in a private telegram group. But since I've moved on, I deleted the group eventually.
Still keeping things and memories like photos and favourite conversations.
6. Stalking and Please Phase
I stalk social media, still saving the person's phone number and letting my whatsapp status updates available to be seen by the person, finding any reason so I can message the person. Was still hoping the person will come back to me by doing that haha!.
7. Pray Hard, I'm Tired Phase
Long awaiting, was so fed up and started to pray harder. Minta Allah SWT tolong detached my feelings towards that person in no matter what and ways.
8. Throwing and Deleting Pictures Phase
Took me tons of brave to start deleting pictures and everything related to that person. Gift, things, chats, everything was washed away from my devices and my space. Not a single thing left and hiddend. Everything was thrown.
9. Answered Phase
Here's where I said, Ifeel like Allah SWT answered my du'a. I saw the comments as I mentioned above. That's the turning point I might say.
10. Hate You Phase.
I started to hate the person. And disgusted by everything he made me feels. Oh I ever did this, everytime the person crossed to my mind I will "istighfar" as if syaitonnirrojim is trying to fool me again so I want the person back haha!. But seriously, it works on me!
11. I've Moved On Phase
Alhamdulillah. I'm finally in this phase. Alhamdulillah. It takes time to heal. Slowly but surely.
Saya berharap sesiapa sahaja dalam perjuangan bangkit dari kekecewaan kerana cinta manusia, terus diberi kekuatan dan mengambil sepenuh pengajaran atas semua yang berlaku. Eloklah tinggikan standard dan biar orang yang betul-betul "mahu berjuang" sahaja yang layak untuk mendapatkan keikhlasan perasaan cinta kita. Gituuu ya ayat orang yang baru siap moved on? haha.
It's not the end of the world pun. Allow yourself to heal, just do whatever you think will spark your joy again. As for me, I blogged my feelings out (haha I have labelled only for heartbreak journey), I adopted kittens and loving them so much. And for sure, cats don't betray you haha!. I learned playing Ukulele and took Malaysian Sign Language classes and omg I'm stepping into my final semester for my postgrad studies already yeay!.
Alhamdulillah for the "kekuatan" Allah SWT gave me, the supports from my family and friends are spectacular in making my moving on journey this far.
I see the daylight again, and I hope you'll do soon too :)
Assalamu'alaikum :D kecil-kecil dulu masa mula-mula belajar membaca kita kena kenal huru f dulu kan? seperti ; A untuk Ayam B untuk Bola C untuk Cawa n dan seterusnya.... atau pun ; A stands for Apple B stands for Ball C s tands for Crocodile .......... Siap nyanyi ABC 's song with Barney and friends la gi kan? photo by google ettt.. lagu untuk hur uf hijahiyyah pun tidak ketinggalan untuk memudahkan kita untuk belajar membaca tulisan jawi seperti lagu " Alif Ba Ta" versi kumpulan ALIF photo by google selain daripada kumpulan Alif tu tadi ada banyak lagi lagu "alif ba ta" yang dinyanyikan dengan rentak dan lagu yang berlainan untuk menarik per hatian kanak-kanak supaya mereka seronok mengenali dan belajar huruf-huru f hija hiyya h. Tapi, bukan lah it u mesej yang cuba disampaikan melalui penulisan ini. Apa yang cuba saya ketengahkan ialah, lag u A is for ALLAH ...
Assalamu'alaikum! hai! amboi tajuk bukan main panjang haha. Ni mahu ceritalah pengalaman aku temuduga atau interview atau kalau malas taip orang tulis 'iv' jaa masa 14 Jun 2015(Ahad) di Universiti Malaysia Sabah atau UMS. Detail okay maklumat masa dan tempat, excited letteww. Hebahan untuk check siapa yang dapat temuduga tu 9 Jun (Rabu). Memang kelam kabut aku dibuatnya untuk buat persediaan, sudahla orang jenis yang belum pernah pegi mana mana temuduga. Itu first time la tu. Habis blog-blog orang aku geledah baca pengalaman, jenis soalan lah bagai masa temuduga. Temuduga kami mula jam 8.30 am. Aku dibawa bertolak oleh kakak aku yang drive bersama mama pun turut serta dalam jam 6.30am . Malam temuduga tu, aku siap siap iron baju, tudung, standby kerongsang segala pin, kasut letak tempat yang mudah dicapai. Malam tu juga aku sibuk la tanya kawan-kawan aku minta tips la, minta kirim doa la, bagi kata2 semangatlah sebab memang rasa cuak tu mula men...
Assalamualaikum wbt. Hey. Alhamdulillah, bertemu lagi kita dalam rancangan, umur berapa tueee???. So here's my blog tradition everytime I'm reaching my birthday. I just want to see how I'm growing throughout the years by answering the same questions since 2021. It's entering my 5th year doing this and I am glad I started doing it at the 1st place. So ladies and gentlement, I present to you... Black=2021 2022: 2023 : 2024 : 2025 : Questions: 1. What are you wearing? = A pink t-shirt (it's Kak Tika's btw haha) + tracksuits + a black shawl which I am not wearing it properly. heh. = Jubah in maroon. 2022: Baju muslimah maroon, shawl pink dan seluar hitam. 2023: Baju kurung in purple-maroon-ish with nudes colour as the details + tudung colour pink belacan. 2024 : Purple baju kurung, pink shawl and a pair of sneakers. 2025: Baju kurung putih petak-petak, tudung purple. 2. Ever been in love? = I think, yes. But oh maybe no. Does BTS counts? haha. = I think yes a...
Alhamdulillah, Still breath fine in this 2017. Just a little update about myself. I am in my second year degree. Semester 4. Yea, I know. It's long way to go. I always frustrated myself by thinking of how long the path to take to finish this journey. So, I cure it by stop thinking about how many steps I have to get through. I'm going to face everything that in front of me. No matter what. That is how I'm going to face my 2017. No new year new me resolution. I just want to keep being nice and positive. I just want my brave 2016 stays with me. Yet it can help me to be even nicer and braver for this 2017. Whatever resolutions and dreams you and I have in the bucket list for this year, let's take it into action! That's what really matter.
Bismillah and Assalamualaikum wbt. 2017 was awesome. I did amazing things in 2017. 2017 was me in semester 4 and semester 5 which when I recall everything, there were millions of laugh and smiles to be counted. Impossible to list the amazing things I did in my 2017 yet I don’t think I can remember them all since the smallest things that happened around me was some kind amazing to me. 2017 was my third year without Bapa. November for every year is not my favourite month. I always like want to turn back time and everthing ever happened was screening freshly on my head. Looking of what I’ve gone through is making me feels like how strong I really can be in future. I accepted everything. Redha. I love it when memories popping up, I love it when I dream about bapa in my sleep. The event felt so real. I love the feeling when I miss bapa. May we meet in Jannah pak, amiin. 2017, I tried to feel like I’m in love with a person. Yes, tried. Hahaha my friends would laugh hard ...
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