Cloudy 2017.

-

Bismillah and Assalamualaikum wbt.

2017 was awesome. I did amazing things in 2017. 2017 was me in semester 4 and semester 5 which when I recall everything, there were millions of laugh and smiles to be counted.
Impossible to list the amazing things I did in my 2017 yet I don’t think I can remember them all since the smallest things that happened around me was some kind amazing to me.

2017 was my third year without Bapa. November for every year is not my favourite month. I always like want to turn back time and everthing ever happened was screening freshly on my head. Looking of what I’ve gone through is making me feels like how strong I really can be in future. I accepted everything. Redha. I love it when memories popping up, I love it when I dream about bapa in my sleep. The event felt so real. I love the feeling when I miss bapa. May we meet in Jannah pak, amiin.

 2017, I tried to feel like I’m in love with a person. Yes, tried. Hahaha my friends would laugh hard if they read this. Ela was fell in love. WAS. I knew the feeling but then I realised that was not a cool feeling. It’s not love actually. Perhaps, that was only what “I think that is love” but it isn’t I guess. To be attached with someone, to wait the texts, acting to care, expecting something but what the other party did was not hitting the expectations, that were very frustrating and tiring. I hate such feeling, kind of wasting time. I was asking, was that love ?, if that is love then that is really not for me. Focussing on ourselves and loving our family and best friends are the real happiness. I said to myself, that is enough. Just be friend and be kind to others. No more trying to be in relationship. That’s it. Enough.

2017, I got the feeling of being kicked out from a group of friends which I thought all this while we were good and close friends enough. But I was wrong. I cried a lot about this. To have friend issue is something I really scared to be facing. But, yeah 2017 made me through it. To be honest, heartache, jealousy and feel like betrayed were the major feelings I always had everytime I saw their posts about themselves together as if I never be a part of them. I was expecting that we were close until forever but I was wrong. I really value our friendship, but I was kicked out from the ship itself. Sad. Then I realised, some friendships are not meant to be forever. Either you yourself would ruin their happiness or they themselves could ruin your happiness that you deserve. But now, we are still friends, just friends and I feel like no special or anything left, just friends. I am okay and I still have friends who I believe would stick with me and really value our friendship as I do.  Thank you dear friends for the lesson!.

I have alot more things to write. Eventhough I wrote about the sorrow side of my 2017, but as I said earlier, more amazing things had ever happened to cover up all that. Don't worry I am okay and In shaa Allah always be.

'Till next post!





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Clean.

-
Image
 Bismillah. Assalamualaikum wbt. Hi. Satu hari tu, aku bangun pagi dan melimpasi cermin almari. Aku berhenti, memerhati setiap tekstur kulit wajah aku. Alhamdulillah, for me it's flawless (read again, for me). I smiled, what a sweet smile I have. I looked at my eyes, subhanAllah my eyes can see and it's almost dark brown in colour. Beautiful, thank you so much for these ya Allah. They're beautiful for me (read again, for me). My skin so nice, my hair's flowy, my skin tone's perfect for me (read again, for me) and ya Allah, for me, I'm beautiful!. I stared at the girl in the mirror deeply.   "Cantik dan baik macam ni pun orang boleh lari dan sanggup khianati?" Cis. I want to have a boyfriend ya Allah, I need one (haha) like the other. Their relationship work, and not for me? But, wait... the girl in the mirror as if talking back to me. This girl has been through a lot in her love life. But she woke up this morning feeling so light. Her heart doesn't...
Read more

Ain. Ila. Sarah.

-
Image
 Assalamualaikum wbt. Hai! It's convocation season here in Malaysia (acah ada peminat luar negara), and I am so happy to share these beautiful photographs of me and my best uni buddies --- Sarah and Kak Ain. It's Sarah's convocation celebrating day for her master fuh! and as one of her biggest fans, I need to have exclusive and spectacular pictures together with her and to make it even more fun and memorable, there's Kak Ain too!.  It was started with the fact that, three of us didn't have any photo together when we were graduated our degree. Like, were we even best buddies in uni? like? how?. Didn't we  have shared bed, foods, pillows, funny budget trip to Pangkor with pink vans everywhere, sleepless nights struggling with assignments and all? then got not even single picture together when we were graduated???. I know! Were we even friends back then?? Crazy trio era. 2018. Since that, we never imagined that we can take pictures together again. Everyone is busy ...
Read more

26 and it's TMI time!

-
Image
Assalamualaikum wbt. Hey. It''s been awhile blog!. This should be posted sharp on 28th April 2021 on my birthday. But you know, the mood of posting is not always there but trust me, I wrote these waaaaay eaarlier that I decided to post it, which is now-- today, this day (refer the date of this post) hehe. So, just to compare how I answer my TMI questions from last year, so I made it colour coded. So   Pink=2020 Black=2021 So let's get started! QUESTIONS!   1: What are you wearing?  = A pink t-shirt (it's Kak Tika's btw haha) + tracksuits + a black shawl which I am not wearing it properly. heh. = Jubah in maroon. 2: Ever been in love? = I think, yes. But oh maybe no. Does BTS counts? haha. = I think  yes and yes.   3: Ever had a terrible breakup? = Never. =  Not yet.   4: How tall are you? = 153.5cm = Nothing changes haha.   5: How much do you weigh? = 6_ kg (alamak) = 5_kg (but I am gaining weight ish)   6: Any tattoos? = Nope. = Never. ...
Read more

Before 2021 ends!

-
Image
Assalamualaikum wbt. Haaaaaaai blog! It's been awhile! Kan? 2 days more before we are all gonna say goodbye to 2021 and will be saying hello to 2022! Let's do some posts to wrap up our 2021 okay? Let's go!   Till next post! 💜
Read more

Aku&SMATS: Tangki

-
Image
Assalamu'alaikum. ok, sekarang in mood mahu tulis pasal aktiviti yang paling common dan paling menjadi kemestian bagi pelajar-pelajar sekolah aku yang bergelar budak SPM! iaitu...........  menawan tangki sekolah! amboihh! siap ada anak panah ok untuk menunjukkan tangki tu. Hendak dijadikan cerita pada zaman dahulu kala tinggallah dua orang budak SPM yang tidak mahu pulang ke rumah sejurus habis peperiksaan Biology kertas tiga hari selasa (27.Nov.2012). Mereka sengaja untuk tidak mahu balik sebab konon-konon tidak mahu missed saat-saat terakhir di asrama.Dalam keadaan itu, dua orang budak itu tinggallah berdua-duaan dalam dorm mereka manakala roommates yang lain sudah balik rumah masing-masing. Pada malamnya, dua orang budak tadi tu sempatlah juga singgah bilik TV lepas mandi untuk tengok apa movie yang ditonton oleh kawan-kawan yang turut tidak balik bermalam di rumah masa tu, dan mereka tengok cerita ni... A Crazy Little Thing Called Love ...
Read more